Thesis: Stuck

This is my last year in school.  Col­lege has been immensely chal­leng­ing and reward­ing.  Eugene Lang has been awe­some.  I adore the his­tory depart­ment and am deeply grat­i­fied for the work and ded­i­ca­tion of my teach­ers, so much so that I zeal­ously defend my love of his­tory when peo­ple sug­gest that I seem more like an anthro­pol­o­gist or media the­o­rist.  Par­sons has been a trou­bled and uncom­fort­able rela­tion­ship, but one of much growth.  I have become ded­i­cated to the hap­pi­ness of my piers as their cre­ative inspi­ra­tion and com­radery is what pro­pels me through the pro­gram.  As a trade school, Par­sons is focused on mak­ing stu­dents indus­try ready, often cater­ing to the needs of var­i­ous design indus­tries over the edu­ca­tional needs of stu­dents.  I have on more than one occa­sion put myself in dif­fi­cult posi­tions by defend­ing or help­ing other stu­dents rather than play­ing along with the com­pet­i­tive, pro­duc­tion ori­ented atmosphere.

Now, con­fronted with the­sis work, I’m ter­ri­bly daunted.  The Design and Tech­nol­ogy depart­ment has been amaz­ingly good to me, and I’m grate­ful for the enthu­si­asm and invest­ment that teach­ers have made in my suc­cess.  This sup­port is a com­plete turn around from my expe­ri­ence in the pho­tog­ra­phy depart­ment, where I often felt like an awk­ward anom­aly.  I feel oblig­ated to honor that sup­port by pro­duc­ing a the­sis project that both the depart­ment and I are proud of.

I’m stuck though.  If the­sis is about mak­ing a port­fo­lio piece, and port­fo­lio is about get­ting one of these jobs that are the rea­son why Par­sons can fail the be a nur­tur­ing edu­ca­tional envi­ron­ment, shouldn’t I resist hav­ing a port­fo­lio?  This is ter­ri­bly naive and self-defeating logic, I know.  I’ve gotta come back around from being mad at Par­sons and make some­thing that I care about and that hon­ors the com­mit­ment of the pro­fes­sors that have been focused on the well being of their stu­dents (as peo­ple, not as future work­ers).  It’s a strug­gle though, and at the moment, I’m stuck.